December 2015: Random Thoughts

A few days ago I was awakened by loud, angry voices. The guy in my dayroom was screaming, “You don’t know what the fuck you are talkin about, fool!” Another guy living down the run from me shouted back with equal intensity from his cell door, “No, YOU don’t know what YOU talkin ‘bout’!” What could they be arguing about, I wondered as I stretched and yawned. They were taking very aggressively to each other and it sounded very serious. I hoped that it wouldn’t turn into anything because I know they are friends and, more importantly, we’ve already got enough conflict in our lives as it is and it’s just insane to create more of it amongst ourselves. This place does it to so many. It used to baffle me how dudes would assault each other and declare one another mortal enemies over the most trivial bullshit. I think sometimes people here create dramas and conflict subconsciously to sorta take their minds off of their unbearable realities, be it the pain and anxiety from their friends and families outside or the fact that the state of Texas is itching to kill the shit out of them. I’m just sayin, everyone has their own coping mechanisms. So I laid there a moment and listened as a few curses were exchanged before they calmed down a bit and resume attempts at convincing each other. “Man, I’m telling you! A woman have eitha two kinds smells down there; it gone smell like wata or have fishy type smell!”

“You is crazy!” The other begun to get excited again. “It all depends on how she been taught to take care of herself! A woman gotta natural smell and if not she needs go straight to the dermatologist!”

“Dermatologist?! Fool, she ‘possed to go to the lady doctor that start with a ‘g’! You makin up words talking bout ‘dermatologist!”

I just about died laughing listening to their conversation! These dudes would’ve been beaten the hell out of each other if we weren’t in segregation over this shit! Haha! They started to scream at each other again, this time over whether or not there’s such a thing as a dermatologist and if that’s the type of doctor you go for lady troubles. I was laughing hysterically but managed to stumble to my door to help them out. I explained that while there is such a thing as a dermatologist, that’s a skin doctor and the ‘g’ word they were looking for is gynecologist! I declined to comment on the other aspects of their argument as I have almost no experience in that field! :-)
But they did calm down and even laughed at their conversation!

You never know what you’ll wake up to in this place! :-)

I’d like to report that my last post was a bit premature regarding the new recreation schedule because just a few days after I sent it out they went back to the old schedule. I’d planned to write something about it that weekend but they threw us a change-up and went right back to this new, weird schedule that no-one seems to be sure of. Ok, so over the past couple of weeks we have been recreating every other day during the week and both Saturday and Sunday. So on one week we have Monday, Wednesday and Friday, plus the weekend, then the next week it has been Tuesday and Thursday and the weekend. One week we get four days of rec and then the next five, depending on which side of the building you live on. It’s not a huge loss of recreation, but it still sucks for many of the guys that live to rec every day. The captain said we should grieve it and hopefully that will compel the big brass in Huntsville to increase their staff numbers, the reason for this change.

Personally, the biggest downside with the new schedule is that there is always dudes out at rec on Sundays, which for years was the one day of the week when no one could rec and the dayrooms were clear. Those days were my favorite because it was so peaceful and quiet. If I wanted, which I usually do, I could get up relatively early and write or read in solitude while I waited for the NFL names to kick off! The ambience was so relaxed, so pleasant.

Now we get to wake up to arguments over the various smells of female genitals! :-) Yay! :-)

I’d like to mention Raphael Holiday and offer my condolences to his family and friends. I'd known him since he first got here. He pulled up onto the first section I lived on not very long after I got here in 2002. I recall how naïve he was to how this place operated (I’d spent two year in segregation previously and nearly 7 years in prison total, so it was nothing new to me) back then, the little jokes we pulled on him like telling him to be sure to ask the night shift officers to put him on the list for either cake or pie as the late night snack or he wouldn’t get either, then laughing when he did ask! J (We don’t get pie or cake very often and there is definitely no such of thing as a late night snack here, for those who missed that J ), and I always appreciated how he seemed to laugh and shrug things off his mostly positive and upbeat personality. We always got along great. I cannot begin to imagine what his friends and family went through on the evening of his untimely murder. From what we heard his state judge granted him a stay of execution. I think of the joy my loved ones felt and expressed when I heard them at the hospitality house after I received a stay in April. There’s been so little hope and suddenly they had an abundance of it and more time. And now I feel the pain that his loved ones must’ve felt when all of that was snatched away from them not long after the stay was granted when the CCA overruled the state judge. :-(

December has rolled around and it has brought rumors about several dudes getting dates. I have no way to substantiate these rumors at this point so I won’t comment on anyone specifically, but I know all of the ones mentioned and II hope the rumors are false. What a terrible way to spend the holidays for our loved ones out there and in here, not to mention the person condemned, to be given a date. It happened to me last year so my loved one and I can empathize…. As far as my case goes, there is no word to date.

On that note, I’ll wrap this one up. I’m here, taking things moment-by-moment, enjoying the football season, an awesome view from my window, the most kickass metal show every Sunday night (Big Dog 106,1 out of the Beaumont area began playing a 2 hours show every Sunday night between 10pm – midnight of nothing than metal-bands like Panters, Type-o-Negative, Five Finger Death Punch, Black Label Society, In This Moment and many other awesome bands we never get to hear on the radio!) and living life the only way I know how these days: with openness and awareness…. Before I sign off I do want to thank the people that have sent e-mails to me over the past weeks. I totally appreciate all of your kind words, love and support. I do feel every single one of you and your continuing love and light gives me incredible strength and energy.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Love and Light